ok... that last rant was a bit... different that i am used to.
ive have had this tough that when i see others being in troubles, i keep wondering how things could be that overwhelming... now i have to no longer wonder. it seems that thursday-friday nigth my 'burried' stress and such finally crashed upon me, causing me to be really repressed and totally unable to sleep for the whole night. I went for little walk in middle of the night... it didnt really help. I'd just had the urge to express myself to somewhere and i winded up here. not really fair to you ppl but i just couldnt not to.

yeah... i believe i have now somewhat recovered by that crash and now i have alot to fix. i dont know yet how in the heck i manage, or how i eve should fix things but what else i could do?

anyway, i'll thank you everyone who peared with me and my ranty moments. your words and your precence ment more than you can possibly imagine.


________________________________________ _________________________


hah xD
i'd figure out much that it is finally time to put something new in here xD
and now i even have a excuse for that... VOICE MEME YAY!!! \o/
...
yeah xD
i uploaded it on FF since DA has plicy about voises/musics... pff

voice meme behind this mysterious >> [link] <<
anyway... i sounded very stupid in there, probably i tried too much xD

an on the other news, my physics studies has started yet again and god theyre giving me hard time =/
makes me almost regret i started to study physics in university in the first place, i wanst this stressed out since i started all together in here. wake up, eat breackfast and 3 cups of coffey, go to lessons, eat, more lessons, do some random schoolworks, study at home, eat, go to sleep, repeat... it cant be just like that... yet i really have to if i want to learn anything! sigh.... first year went badly enought that it... but i dont want to quit out either... as if i am ever to graduate, there is tons of good paid works waiting for me. i do not want to end up to work in places that barely gives out the living... and there is this also that everyone expects me to be such clever and smart guy... oerhaps i am but surely i dont feel like it right now... actually i feel exacly the opposite.

sigh... welcome to my world
________________________________________ _________________________


Stats of my Fancomic The Legend of Spyro - Sins of the Past <3
Chapter 23 in prosess ()
304427 characters
54164 words
3750 rows
87 pages

________________________________________ _________________________

Contests I am and was in xD
>> [link] <<
random friking awesome link inserted! >=3


________________________________________ _________________________


Mah epic (not) list of friends <3
(not in any particular order)



you feel I was rude not remembering to add YOU in this list?
Use the force and spam me! >_<

________________________________________ _________________________

is the one who corrupted my mind with her awesome art
is the one who brouth the final blow to corrupt my mind DX
is the one who I love to chat with
is the one whose stories I love <3
is the one whose stories I also love <3
is teh one who inspired me to make mah fanfic in the first place <3
is the one who allowed me to nuke her 100th pic for my avatar
is the one who with I have traumatizing insidejokes xD
is the one who does too awesome fancomics
is the one who kept suporting me to keep going with mah fanfic in the begining <3 and still does <3

I am afraid...

ive done so many things wrong in the past single year... and now the second one is well is going bad...
i am stressed, i am repressed and most of all; i am afraid, afraid of myself.
i am not stressd out because the school is hard. i am now crashed because i have been slacking from it. ive not been in lessons ive been supposed to be in. first year stated ok. but i didnt put enought effort for it, and soon i started not to be in lessons. first half year i had to go to hospital for a week... that was first change to change everything... i passed it. after chrismas i was given annother... i passed it... and now... one year later... ive now given third change... i passed it... why? i wish i had straing answer, something deep and releaving, yet i have nothing else to offer than i am terrible person.

why? i know the reason, but i am afraid to admit it... no, i am ashamed as well.
ive been my whole live a loner. i never had many friends in my live... just names for faces, but mostly, just faces without names... but now... its overwhelming. i am in new large city, with nobody to talk to. i dont have friends here like i am supposed to have from single reason; im not in school. i have wasted a whole year in the path ive now taken. every day i fall asleep uneasy, and every day i wake up and do what i did yesterday; nothing. pc has come my part of the world... pc is my live, and without my knowing. no, i knew it well enought, but didnt care of it. i didnt care about nothing. games... yes... i have become so debended of playing games, my small world to hide in. this started even before i started school at the age of 7. why to hide in? i could give you a long list about it... but i doubt it is just fancy words and nice theories... my live was bad even back then. drunken dad, fights, worced to withness terrible moments, seen my sister been thrown out from house in middle of the winter... -20 degrees. i wish my younghood is the reason why i have become what i am today... im not convinced.

i feel terrible; i feel worse than ive never felt before. some say this is depression... maybe it is, maybe not. but whatever it is, its bad and there is no-one to blame; but me. me who let this happen, who allowed to this happen and did nothing to stop it. waiting someone else to do it.

i just wish there would be someone who i could talk to for real, someone who i could share my pain. someone who i could hug and cry onto and just be. i look around... there is nobody; i am alone.
family... there is one, but i am afraid of them much as i am myself. how can i explain what i have become?
i have lost my creativity, my intellect in alarming rate. yes... i am supposed to have 140+ IQ... took test long ago while i was in highschool... i doubt it its accurate. i think it is just a joke. how could it be even remotely accurate if i have allowed this to happen?

this all started at highschool... or whatever it is called in english. the slaking i mean... i just lost interest of school even back then. now i am in univercity, where students are expected to study hard... this is not my place yet i dont know what else i should do... i dont even know how i winded up here. i should have been fine if i just would be in those lessons like i have been supposed to be and study a bit... but no... i didn't.
i dont know how'd this happened. no... i do know... but... i just have no words for it. it is terrible. there are no other words to descripe it.

sometimes... every day i wish there would be simple way out from this, a way to start over... all of this. but there aint.
i afraid i dont have strenght to push through this personal hell.


ive been terrible slacker
i am afraid of myself

hah xD
i'd figure out much that it is finally time to put something new in here xD
and now i even have a excuse for that... VOICE MEME YAY!!! \o/
...
yeah xD
i uploaded it on FF since DA has plicy about voises/musics... pff

voice meme behind this mysterious >> [link] <<
anyway... i sounded very stupid in there, probably i tried too much xD

an on the other news, my physics studies has started yet again and god theyre giving me hard time =/
makes me almost regret i started to study physics in university in the first place, i wanst this stressed out since i started all together in here. wake up, eat breackfast and 3 cups of coffey, go to lessons, eat, more lessons, do some random schoolworks, study at home, eat, go to sleep, repeat... it cant be just like that... yet i really have to if i want to learn anything! sigh.... first year went badly enought that it... but i dont want to quit out either... as if i am ever to graduate, there is tons of good paid works waiting for me. i do not want to end up to work in places that barely gives out the living... and there is this also that everyone expects me to be such clever and smart guy... oerhaps i am but surely i dont feel like it right now... actually i feel exacly the opposite.

sigh... welcome to my world


________________________________________ _________________________


yeah.... bad >=3

and the spain actually, that was awesome though 30 degrees celcius in/on shadow where quite hot. but I got used to it pretty quicly. eating outside in there is really cheap if you know where to go and food they made where darn good as well <3

i spent every morning/day on Mediterranean beach and my upper chest + neck and 'feet-table' along with forecrus, only areas i missed with my +50 sunlotion xD. though i think i didnt get tanned at all though as im still white as snow, or at least i feel like it xD. i have to use that strong sunlotion just because of my medication. saddly enought, strong sunlotion and moisturizer (to counter the badly drying skin) doesnt mix up and now my skin peels off like no tomorrow. but vacation was worth it!

vacation isnt a vacation without a sunburn now is it? or without like million photographs xD dunno if i am going to upload them anytime soon though.

actually i did draw something while i was there but alas, i do not have scanner in here to upload it =<

oh... now that my flight that brouth me back to Finland (bastards!) took of somewhere 23:00 and i where in helsinki in about 04:30 local time, (+1 hour from spain to finland) and got home somewhere 09:00 xD

2 hours sleep and then i where awakened for job, wich i knew about just about the time i was woken up. had to figure out how i keep 20 children under the age of 7 under controll, not to mention to create sufficient exercise for athlete stuff with sharp mind of 2 hours sleep xD

but i made it and kids survived xD


darn its cold in here, only 15 degrees, haha xD
________________________________________ _________________________


Stats of my Fancomic The Legend of Spyro - Sins of the Past <3
Chapter 23 in prosess ()
304427 characters
54164 words
3750 rows
87 pages

________________________________________ _________________________

Contests I am and was in xD
>> [link] <<
random friking awesome link inserted! >=3


________________________________________ _________________________


Mah epic (not) list of friends <3
(not in any particular order)



you feel I was rude not remembering to add YOU in this list?
Use the force and spam me! >_<

________________________________________ _________________________

is the one who corrupted my mind with her awesome art
is the one who brouth the final blow to corrupt my mind DX
is the one who I love to chat with
is the one whose stories I love <3
is the one whose stories I also love <3
is teh one who inspired me to make mah fanfic in the first place <3
is the one who allowed me to nuke her 100th pic for my avatar
is the one who with I have traumatizing insidejokes xD
is the one who does too awesome fancomics
is the one who kept suporting me to keep going with mah fanfic in the begining <3 and still does <3

yeah.... bad >=3

and the spain actually, that was awesome though 30 degrees celcius in/on shadow where quite hot. but I got used to it pretty quicly. eating outside in there is really cheap if you know where to go and food they made where darn good as well <3

i spent every morning/day on Mediterranean beach and my upper chest + neck and 'feet-table' along with forecrus, only areas i missed with my +50 sunlotion xD. though i think i didnt get tanned at all though as im still white as snow, or at least i feel like it xD. i have to use that strong sunlotion just because of my medication. saddly enought, strong sunlotion and moisturizer (to counter the badly drying skin) doesnt mix up and now my skin peels off like no tomorrow. but vacation was worth it!

vacation isnt a vacation without a sunburn now is it? or without like million photographs xD dunno if i am going to upload them anytime soon though.

actually i did draw something while i was there but alas, i do not have scanner in here to upload it =<

oh... now that my flight that brouth me back to Finland (bastards!) took of somewhere 23:00 and i where in helsinki in about 04:30 local time, (+1 hour from spain to finland) and got home somewhere 09:00 xD

2 hours sleep and then i where awakened for job, wich i knew about just about the time i was woken up. had to figure out how i keep 20 children under the age of 7 under controll, not to mention to create sufficient exercise for athlete stuff with sharp mind of 2 hours sleep xD

but i made it and kids survived xD


darn its cold in here, only 15 degrees, haha xD


_________________________________________________________________


as title says, for honour my start of my imaginary vacation, ill go to visit Spain for week or two and see how they do near Mediterranean xD
conisdering that i take medication that prevents my err... sebaceous glands? completly so i could get sunburn quite easily xD but vacation isnt a vacation if you dont get one eh? xD

anyway... as the fanfic many of you have so eagerly waited and still wait... well... i have written page more yes, but it is not ready and i dont have a clue how long it takes to be complete. i know that most of yours summervacation starts right about now, but i need to take few summertents to gain required points for a year... not to mention i have to go for summerworks and still have time for my own personal life. i do not say this because i want to upset you, but this is the way it going to be and there isnt much i can do about it.

_________________________________________________________________


Stats of my Fancomic The Legend of Spyro - Sins of the Past <3
Chapter 23 in prosess ()
304427 characters
54164 words
3750 rows
87 pages

_________________________________________________________________

Contests I am and was in xD
>> [link] <<
random friking awesome link inserted! >=3


_________________________________________________________________


Mah epic (not) list of friends <3
(not in any particular order)



you feel I was rude not remembering to add YOU in this list?
Use the force and spam me! >_<

_________________________________________________________________

is the one who corrupted my mind with her awesome art
is the one who brouth the final blow to corrupt my mind DX
is the one who I love to chat with
is the one whose stories I love <3
is the one whose stories I also love <3
is teh one who inspired me to make mah fanfic in the first place <3
is the one who allowed me to nuke her 100th pic for my avatar
is the one who with I have traumatizing insidejokes xD
is the one who does too awesome fancomics
is the one who kept suporting me to keep going with mah fanfic in the begining <3 and still does <3

hah xD

as title says, for honour my start of my imaginary vacation, ill go to visit Spain for week or two and see how they do near Mediterranean xD
conisdering that i take medication that prevents my err... sebaceous glands? completly so i could get sunburn quite easily xD but vacation isnt a vacation if you dont get one eh? xD

anyway... as the fanfic many of you have so eagerly waited and still wait... well... i have written page more yes, but it is not ready and i dont have a clue how long it takes to be complete. i know that most of yours summervacation starts right about now, but i need to take few summertents to gain required points for a year... not to mention i have to go for summerworks and still have time for my own personal life. i do not say this because i want to upset you, but this is the way it going to be and there isnt much i can do about it.



_________________________________________________________________


gah! xD

Today i have relocated myself into new apartment where i can live all by myself <3
not that i would be selfish (which i am xD) but more space, more peace and far less distractive things... like roommate making uterly maniac, terrible and quite annoying noises (thought still it was fun XD) and he did quite alot other things which i think is better to be left untold for the sake of your sanities xD

anyhow... the moving self was such a pain... i got keys to new apparement at 2 pm (14:00) and once i got it i started to move my stuff with cart which where cursed by satan himself... it was small, had only 3 tires (1 where flat) and tires where placed so that if you really wasnt carefull enought, it could (and did) flip all your stuff only god knows where. i had to use that cart to move stuff into new apparement 600m away, to 6th floor... and luckily, elevator was small so i and the cart didnt fit into it at the same time [/sarcasm]

after 12 trips back and forth i finally managed to move all my stuff in here and got some help to move the furniture (pure inpossibility to move them with that devilish cart... trust me...) and the clock was 9 pm (21:00) when last furniture entered into the appartment.

be prepared... the cart of doom >=F
[link]
[link]

oh... and did i mention that i havnt eaten anything at all in the whole day expect one microwave pizza? xD



it wasnt too bad, but im quite sure that my muscels are going to ache a bit tommorrow morning xD i just know it!

oh and to those who are interested about my main fanficion, sins of the past, i admit that i havnt written a single row in a long time. my studies and other things prevents me having that alot of freetime to fully consetrate on that one. but dont worry, i havnt given up writing it. it is just that i currently dont have needed time to write it right now.
_________________________________________________________________


Stats of my Fancomic The Legend of Spyro - Sins of the Past <3
Chapter 23 in prosess ()
304427 characters
54164 words
3750 rows
87 pages

_________________________________________________________________

Contests I am and was in xD
>> insert random frking awesome link here >=3 <<


_________________________________________________________________


Mah epic (not) list of friends <3
(not in any particular order)



you feel I was rude not remembering to add YOU in this list?
Use the force and spam me! >_<

_________________________________________________________________

is the one who corrupted my mind with her awesome art
is the one who brouth the final blow to corrupt my mind DX
is the one who I love to chat with
is the one whose stories I love <3
is the one whose stories I also love <3
is teh one who inspired me to make mah fanfic in the first place <3
is the one who allowed me to nuke her 100th pic for my avatar
is the one who with I have traumatizing insidejokes xD
is the one who does too awesome fancomics
is the one who kept suporting me to keep going with mah fanfic in the begining <3 and still does <3